I have been divorced for 8 years now. We have always had 50/50 custody, one week at a time. This was, by far, the hardest part of adjusting to divorce…spending a week at a time away from my kids. In true mom fashion, I had to learn how to manage the guilt that went with being divorced and what it does to the nuclear family. Initially, it felt impossible. I spent all week counting down the minutes until the kids were back in my house. I didn’t enjoy it at all. It was almost as though I wouldn’t allow myself to enjoy it…almost like I was punishing myself for choosing divorce. “You chose this life, Cassie. This is what you get. Misery.” As time passed I knew it wasn’t sustainable to feel that way 50% of my life. I slowly started to release my grip. I scheduled intentional time to work on myself and take care of myself. This didn’t happen overnight, but ever so slowly I began to realize I was a better mom when the kids showed up on Friday if I had taken care of myself the week leading up to it.
I started to meditate, read, and take baths. Sometimes I would eat cereal and drink a glass of wine for dinner and find joy in the idea that I was now able to do that without having the additional worry of preparing a full meal for others and then clean up after them. I started to break through the fear and guilt and micromanaging of every single piece of multiple people’s lives. Suddenly I realized I was figuring out who I was as an individual. I wasn’t working so hard every single day to please everyone around me. I knew when they were at their dad’s they were safe and loved and I just accepted that and felt gratitude for it. My friendships grew. My passions expanded and I started to feel like ME again.
Today, 8 years later, it feels like a healthy routine. We have always switched on Fridays and Friday has become my favorite day of the week! I love the Friday that my kids (well…now I am down to ONE kid at home) show up after school. I also love being able to plan for the next Friday when I can enjoy time after work catching up with friends or binge watching Summer House with a bowl of cereal, a glass of wine and no guilt. It has taken years to get to this point but it I am so thankful I did. We have created healthy spaces for our kids no matter where they lay their heads down to sleep. It took time and intention but it was well worth it. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect it to, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful. Happy weekend, friends! May you find some joy and peace no matter where you are on your journey!